Last night I dreamt a dear friend, one from way back, was in the hospital. I visited her room and I was alarmed to see her laying on her side, incapacitated by whatever battle was raging among the cells of her body. She didn't know I was there and I left feeling so profoundly sad and she didn't know I had visited.
I wandered the halls of the hospital, which seems more like a grand hotel, and I couldn't make sense of it. Then it struck me that she had no idea I'd been there, no idea that my heart was splitting open and I knew I had to get back to her and just be close to her because when your heart splits open love spills out, and even if she didn't consciously know I was there, she'd know there was love nearby.
It took an eternity to find her room again and when I got there a nurse was sitting outside, barring any visitors from entering and just as I became determined to get past that nurse one way or the other, the dream ended.
I was melancholic when I woke, missing my friend and wanting to lie next to her in her hospital bed. And thinking: it's a strange thing....we really only love someone once in this lifetime. You never stop loving someone, then come back around to loving them again some other time. Love either burns furiously like an emergency flare, or slowly and steadily like a quiet, gentle sun...but it's real either way. Love the people you love and love them as hard as you can, either in a dazzling blast or with monolithic consistency. And sometimes, in that instance before you weep, remember your heart is about to split open and love will come spilling out, and even though it may seem like a dreadful moment, it's best to just let it happen....